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Saturday, March 3, 2012

VENTING SESSION (and updated usage tally)

this post is another 'venting session'. so all my followers and other readers will maybe remember when i met that guy on the dating site. re. sex and death posts. so that was back in august which is approx 6 and a bit months ago and i gues you can say its going strong still but i need to add my 'erks' that make the relationship an irritable one. when i met him he was on home detention and could only sneak out once or twice a week so it was one of 
un-overbearing not constant flings. he had been locked up a couple years ago and had now been released to finish his sentence on home electronic monitoring device till his parole started. he assured me he had learnt his lesson and was heroin/oxy/methadone free and didnt want to start it again. ut the oxy habit started in late november last year and has continued up until about a week or so ago when the dealers dad, ho had cancer, died and the oxy ran as u all know im a meth adict going on 15 years now, ive never been interested in downers and for good reason. at least when the meth runs out its psycological and i can just sleep off the comedown, with 
such an addictive personality i knew opiates were not for me. i didnt need a physical/mental/full body ache addiction to add to my life. the guys mum kicked him out about 4 weeks ago and on the day being stupidly offtap on the meth and in a good mood i said just stay here. afterall he works most days so i still get my solo time which i cant live without. ive always hated being trapped and at least this way i have either days or night, whichever hedoes that week, to myself. but guess what???? im trapped once again!!!!i have learnt from all my previous relationships that guys always expect to be in control not an equal and i was adament from day dot when we met i wasnt a pushover and if i ended it, it was done. i told him to never talk down to me, never lie to me and if he couldnt cope with my addiction then fuck off now. i dont need any extra hassle in life. i ave my kids, my family and my shit which will always come first. i would never be under the thumb of any abusive guy ever again.the relationship is a good one, in 6 months ive only raised my voice to him twice now. two arguements in 6 months is a pretty good statistic. considering every other relationship has been a daily battle to not fight. and this is the first none-abusive commited relationship ive ever had.
so you want to know why we did hight on tose two occasions. well lets see..... i put one occasion down to oxy withdrawel and the other down to him getting tick of a mate of mine then getting a shit pay when i said to him it had to be paid straight away caus i dont fuck people over with money when i say itll be paid its paid. does it look like this is a familiar pattern for me, can anyone help me decide how i handle these issues....maybe im just a cunt and im being selfish....maybe im just better off single with kids than de-facto with two kids from previous relationships. either way im stuck.....again. maybe.
xo lilly                                                                                                 
ps. usage tally updated as follows.                                                                  
thursday 1st march - 50 deal/1point plus 1 point for lending car out for 1 hour to a dealer of mine.                                                                                
friday 2nd march - 50 deal/1point plus about a half point pipe for free.            
saturday 3rd march(today) - no $$$ cost so far but ive still manged about a pipe for nothing and a point wack for free. (value approx $125.00)                  
take care all xo lilly                                                                             

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