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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

trying to accept the possibility of being happy

so i guess im having a fight inside my head at the moment and i need advice on how i end this fight. things are looking promising with this guy i met and its playing on my head a bit. usually when faced with these feelings i shut off as to not get hurt in the long run. every guy ive opened myself up to has destroyed any confidence i had at the time and its become routine to just runaway when i feel something.  am i even ready to share my life and my kids lives with someone else, its a scary thought. i think ill have to just let go of my fears and go with the flow and enjoy the moment.
the good thing about the way im feeling is its giving me more confidence on being able to stick to my goal of ending my addiction to meth. its the 4th of october and my goal "clean" date was april 29 2012-my 30th birthday.
my meth use in the last weeks has been lower than usuaL.
monday- approx half a gram
tuesday-2 points
wednesday to saturday i was clean and coming down
sunday- 2 points
monday- 3 points

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