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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Late 2010, then finally moving on from sam and welcoming 2011 alone

SO IM GOING TO MOVE ON NOW TO 2011.  AS I ALREADY SAID SAM WAS RELEASED IN MAY 2010. WE HADN'T BEEN IN TOUCH AS OFTEN IN THE END OF HIS JAIL STAY BUT HE WAS CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND. IN APRIL HE WAS MOVED INTO THE PRE RELEASE CENTRE ABOUT 1KM AWAY FROM MY HOUSE AT THE TIME. UP UNTIL THEN HE HAD BEEN IN THE JAIL ABOUT AN HOUR AWAY FROM THE CITY.
RULES AT THE PRE RELEASE FOR VISITS WERE DIFFERENT. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BOOK IN BY PHONE AND THERE WERE VISITS EVERY NIGHT FOR A FEW HOURS AND ALL DAY VISITS ON THE WEEKEND. PLUS THERE WAS NO VISITOR SCREENING AND YOU COULD BRING SMOKES AND FOOD IN WITH YOU.
I ENDED UP SEEING HIM TOO MUCH AND BECAUSE HE WAS STILL INSIDE HE WAS DIFFERENT. HE TALKED TO ME MORE ABOUT US AND THE PAST AND FUTURE MORE THAN HE EVER HAD. I GOT SO SUCKED INTO THE CONVERSATIONS WE WERE HAVING THAT I FORGOT OR CHOSE TO FORGET THE BULLSHIT ID ALWAYS GONE THROUGH WITH HIM. THE SAM IN JAIL WAS LOVING, AFFECTIONATE, CARING, OPTIMISTIC AND STRAIGHT. THAT WASN'T THE SAM WHO I HAD EVER KNOWN BEFORE. BUT IT WAS THE ONE ID ALWAYS WANTED.
TOO MUCH HAD HAPPENED BEFORE AND DURING THE PAST FEW YEARS. MY LIFE HAD BEEN DESTROYED AND PUT ON HOLD AND HE PROMISED TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT.

HE WAS FINALLY FREE, HE SAID HE WAS A CHANGED MAN AND HE SAID WE WOULD WORK IT OUT TOGETHER. BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY. 

WITH A WEEK HE WAS BACK ON THE GEAR AND NOT BEING HONEST ABOUT IT. HE WAS FLUSHING FOR PAROLE VISITS OR MAKING EXCUSES NOT TO GO. HE THOUGHT HE WAS ABOVE THE LAW. HIS KIDS FINALLY HAD THEIR DAD BACK BUT HE DIDN'T BE THE DAD THEY HAD MISSED AND NEEDED.
THEN IT ALL STOPPED AGAIN, HE GOT WASTED, MADE EXCUSES, IGNORED MY CALLS AND DISAPPEARED FROM MY LIFE FOR 2 WEEKS. THEN A PHONE CALL HERE AND THERE OR NOTHING AT ALL.
 HE GOT THE KIDS BACK FROM STATE CARE AND THEY MOVED BACK IN TOGETHER . BY THIS TIME I HAD MOVED INTO MY NEW PLACE AS MY OLD HOUSE HAD BEEN CONDEMNED BY THE COUNCIL AND WAS BEING RENOVATED AND SOLD.

I WENT A MONTH WITHOUT SEEING HIM THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STARTED COMING AROUND AGAIN. GETTING ME TO SET UP DEALS AND USE MY CONTACTS TO GET BACK ON TRACK ON THE PROMISE HE'D HELP ME OUT TOO.
BUT HE SCREWED ME CONTINUALLY. I FELL PREGNANT TO HIM IN LATE 2010 AND HAD AN  ABORTION AT 7 WEEKS. HIS BACK INJURY HAD STARTED TO GET BAD AGAIN ONCE HE WAS USING AGAIN AND THRASHING HIMSELF DAILY. PLUS NOW HE WAS ON OXY'S AND OTHER PAIN PILLS AND HAD TURNED INTO A LAZY CUNT WHO SOLD CUT GEAR AND THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD KNOW. HELPING OUT HAD TURNED TO RIPPING ME OFF AND OWING MY MATES WHICH WAS STARTING TO FUNK UP MY FRIENDSHIPS AND CAUSE OTHER PROBLEMS.

WE STOPPED TALKING AFTER THE ABORTION AND IT WAS ONLY LATER I FOUND OUT HE HAD A NEW GIRLFRIEND. SOMEONE I KNEW OF AND HAD ALWAYS STEERED CLEAR OF. THEY SUITED EACH OTHER, BOTH RIP-OFF DOGS. THEY DESERVED EACH OTHER.

IT ALL CAUGHT UP WITH HIM AND EARLY IN 2011 HE BROKE HIS PAROLE AND WENT BACK TO JAIL ON A BREACH.

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