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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

1 month and 1 day to my 30th bday

1 month and 1 day till i turn 30. still hoping to be able to stick to my 'clean date'. ive had a few really stressful weeks with my over-pregnant friend and trying to be as supportive as i can but still taking care of my own family first. its really hard with 2 kids to find time to do everything i need to do. especially since my youngest is just over 2 and a a half and is going thru the terrible twos stage. my girl who is older definately didnt have the same temper tantrums my boy is capable of.  maybe having a dad there to share the tantrums with helped back then. because i live in a block of flats i worry about the noise he is capable of tantruming at. lucky its usually in the day when everyone is usuallly out i guess. and at least hes a good sleeper and not a grumping morning kid.
im lagging so behind on my blog reading and general email attendance. except i have to clear my inbox of at least 100 messages and 50 junk emails every 3 days when i get online. goodthing about the lack of internet connection is im not wasting money gambling on slot and bingo sites each week at the moment.
that guy i was seeing messaged me two nights ago. first sms in 2 weeks to my suprise. same bullshit excuses about getting clean but i know its the opposite caus he forgets i know friends of his with big mouths and meth/opiate addictions at the same time. i dont get the up/down up/down drug user. guess its why i only smoke dope to come down and fall asleep caus i cant handle the downer stoned feeling when im awake. its better to be stoned and asleep then as soon as the stoned wears off a few hours later im wide awake and well slept. he drifted away as soon as the oxy tablets ran out from my mate which made it easier on me caus i didnt have to fuk him off like i usually do when i get bored or over being told what to do. its my life and ill do what i want....not be dictated to. ok im typing now and will post this as soon as my internet connection is available so i better go. miss you all, xo lilly

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