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Monday, April 23, 2012

6 days to go and im 30 yrs old


when i started blogging there was almost a
year to go till i turned 30 and it seemed
like  good age to make my 'no more meth' age.
 im scared now. theres only 6 days to go and
the year flew by as it does on drugs and i
wanna be ready but am i. i need to do it for
myself and my kids, i need to strt working
again as im going nuts ssitting around home
doing nothing. ive always managed to maintain
a job and my altered state of mind, and with
my youngest now old enough for childcare i
need to get back into the real world. this
time as a straight person, thats also gonna
be weird. im never maintained a job straight.
ive always been the highly involved
perfeectionist who does real well at ny job
but unnown to my colleagues ive been a drug
addict..a daily drug addict. scary thought
but im ready to work and be straight. i
wonder how itll go. if im an excellent
employee bent i wonder what kind of employee
ill be straight....lol..xo lilly

8 comments:

Gledwood said...

So how exactly does it feel being "straight"?

I have given up taking my psyche meds basically because I want another free bipolar high period. Living without it is like being a bird with clipped wings. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

How on earth do you live again after crystal meth?

I used to be on crack but don't miss it at all because it was a ridiculously overblown not to mention ridiculously SHORT high that frazzles you out after a while so you just feel... well, burnt out. As for heroin: that makes me want a nice juicy sandwich in front of Judge Judy and what in life can replace that. Hence I was hopelessly addicted to heroin.

I've got a new blog by the way:

gledwood4.blogspot.com

and I'm going into rehab. Yeah it's true. Me going to rehab (or detox, to be precise) is like the Pope turning Buddhist...

bugerlugs63 said...

Hi Lily . . . I don't know much about meth and whether the withdrawals are physical, psychological or both. Either way Six days could be cutting it a bit fine . . . Or even 5 days?
It's all about how fed up you are with it and the lifestyle involved with it (for me).
I just want to be able, and have the money, to do more stuff. Whether that be holidays, decorating, days out. Anything! Just something more than dragging myself through each day with a promise of a bag at the end of it. But I know I wouldn't have said that at 30, or 40 . . . This is only my opinion but I think when you're fed up enough of it, you'll do it.
Meantime, I'm glad you're posting again Lily, take care and do whatever makes you happy. With love x

Susie said...

Hi Lilly! You and I are in the same boat! I am starting a new job in a large, Fortune 500 company in a couple of weeks. I was shocked that they offered me the job, since I was high as shit when i went to the interview and showed up 10 minutes late. I guess dope makes me much more amiable, and they really liked my skills. Currently if I feel crappy, I can hide at my desk and surf the internet all day without anyone really caring. But in this new job, I'm going to have to prove myself and really work hard. I can't get high, and I'm really going to try hard to stay clean so I don't feel like shit while I'm at work.

Good luck to you! I'm sure you will find a great job and they will be lucky to have you. It's hard and let's do this together!
Love, Susie

Susie said...

Hi Lilly! You and I are in the same boat. I will be starting a new job in the next couple of weeks at a Fortune 500 company and I need to stay clean while I'm there. I desperately want to turn over a new leaf. Right now when I feel like crap at work, I screw around on the internet all day and no one cares. But when I start new, I'll have to prove myself and impress these professionals! I'm so scared and excited.

I think one of the reasons I started looking for a new job was to make a change to force myself to get clean. Let's try to help each other and do this together.

Love,
Susie

Furtheron said...

Good luck

xo lilly (my life unspoken) said...

gledwood..... ive never done living without being on meth so im not sure how im gonna go. i seem to have functioned quite highly and successfully on it so look out world here i come xo lilly

bugerlugs....i think i am fed up with it. age 30 is the goal i set myself and its not just me ill dissapoint now..its all of you. going good so far. xo lilly

susie.... i just need a change i think. i like high stress jobs as i think i perform best under pressure..frazzled or not. take care and hope ur new job goes weel. xo lilly

furtheron... thanks mate. ill need it. xo lilly

xo lilly (my life unspoken) said...

gledwood..... ive never done living without being on meth so im not sure how im gonna go. i seem to have functioned quite highly and successfully on it so look out world here i come xo lilly

bugerlugs....i think i am fed up with it. age 30 is the goal i set myself and its not just me ill dissapoint now..its all of you. going good so far. xo lilly

susie.... i just need a change i think. i like high stress jobs as i think i perform best under pressure..frazzled or not. take care and hope ur new job goes weel. xo lilly

furtheron... thanks mate. ill need it. xo lilly

steven4 said...

Hi Lilly. Glad I found your blog. It looks like you have been pretty open and honest. I just started on crystal a few months ago and it is good to find out what I am getting (have got!) myself into. I'm 52 so a late starter! It's probably a mid life crisis thing :( Anyway I have always been a bit scared of drugs, I don't have a problem with other people using them (as long as they are not giving me grief) but it was not for me. Anyway I decided that I would try it and now I'm a little bit scared of how much I like it. The sex is amazing! A couple of months ago I realised I was not thinking straight at work as I had overdone it at the weekend . Since then I have taken it twice and made sure I have enough time to recover before Monday morning.
I did not mean to go on (can you tell what I did today lol). Any way what I should have said was well done for taking your brave decision as I know it can not be easy and good luck. If you do find your mind going round in circles I can recommend taking up yoga. Most people think it is about exercise but it is really about calming your mind. Steve x