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Friday, May 25, 2012

cons of being clean

i guess leading a clean life style was always going to have its down points.  i used to use and turn over enough money with what i got for others to have extra dollars for incidentals like petrol, smokes, booze, etc. now its just pay day to payday. nothing in between to get me through to the next week if i run out of money. plus i seem to be a lot more bored now and staying busy costs money. keeping my mind off using  again is hard. was life always this boring. my days seemed to just pass by before but now they drag on and on. im still looking for a job but im only applying for jobs i really want not all jobs im suitable for. maybe i should widen my search.
im getting back into my volunteer work but because the group is full of fresh-out-of-jail and community service chicks, theres a bit of drug talk there as well so i keep to myself more and just put my head down and work.
im proud of the fact ive managed to move a bit of gear around and hook others up without using any of it this week. i smashed my glass pipe and did a complete cleanout of all old syringes and wash bags stashed away. its funny how there are none around when u want them but when you trying to avoid the triggers, you seem to find reminders everywhere.
im off to read a few blogs i need to catch up on. nothing on tv tonight so im going to try relax soon and maybe have an early night.
xo lilly


Furtheron said...

I actually find now that I can't think of how I used to fit in my drinking - I mean I spent hours a day doing it! I hope for you in time it'll change from that awful time passing feeling.

Good for you on the clean out - I never drank much at home, just wasn't my pattern but we did still clear out the drinks cabinet so that the trigger wasn't there at all.

bugerlugs63 said...

Hi Lily,
Sounds like you're doing a great job of staying clean . . . I know how hard that can be.
I think, as you say, half the battle is keeping busy and then before you know it, the day is gone. But it's not always so easy, even when busy . . . So well done you. Take good care Lily x