Monday, June 25, 2012

new dramas and struggles

i been really sick last 4 days.  nose running then blocked, sore throat and bad cough.  makes my thoughts wander back to when id be sick and go get on and all the flu symptons would dissapear. i was really weakening today... and im almost thru it. its already dark outside so nighttime is upon us once again and ill have another day racked up on the clean days tally.
another good moment i had this week was when an old friend dropped by with a rage for me and i was actually able to say no for a change. but gee it was hard. im sure he just dropped by caus he knew i was trying to be clean and had to fuk me up. i guess in the daylight when u look at alot of my current friendships, they are all trying to screw me over in one way or another. i mean how do u find friends among your friends who u know are on your side when everyone i know uses or wants to use or will use feely in front of me like it doesnt matter. where is the respect to not even mention it when u know someone is trying to stop and struggling.
anyway maybe thats enough of a bitch for one day. now for some positives.... i actually had a job interview the other day. i thought it went well bt i didnt get the job but im glad i actually showed up and applied to begin with. my kids playgroup has now closed. we were given 2 weeks notice and its over. now i gotta find another one to take him to. theres not msny ioptions in my area. ive been so negnectful of my duties lately.
even reading blogs makes me want to use again. my stats are still up without posting anything new so thats good. maybe a couple moremonths and ill be able to title a new blog. maybe MY'USEDTOBE'METHDIARIES or something similar.  anyway kids to sort out aand tv shows to watch and catch up on.
xo lilly


Furtheron said...

good going so far for you...

One thing - when I stopped drinking I changed a lot of friendships, some just had to go completely, others changed totally - one of the reasons AA really worked for me was making new friends who did care about my sobriety

Wander said...

Here is from the other side of the fence...I have been clean and sober for three years and three days...I was never caught cooking, and I was lucky in a lot of ways. There are friends that wouldn't behave in that way, you just haven't met them yet. welcome to life without can be fun.


Gledwood said...


I called my Gledwood Volume 4 blog "the life after"... but after what? I ask myself? After I used a bit more gear than I actually use today? It's still a case of Same Shit Different Day at the moment ~ you know how it goes.
Anyway I just wanted to come by and say Hi.

(The usual computer I use, for some reason, won't let me comment here or on loads of other blogs. No fcking idea why but it's really annoying.)