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Monday, July 30, 2012

situations you once used drugs to get through

stress. loud voices. mayhem. party planning and executing. cakes. cleaning. interacting with your kids friends parents'.
all the above could once be easily dealt with by being a little left of centre, a little tweaked and just dosed enough to be able to concentrate and work thru it.

i just had to organise and run my daughters birthday party on friday night. its the first one ive ever had to deal with in a very straight stressed way. usually i manage to pay either a kids party organiser/mcdonalds party host/play centre host to deal with all the bullshit. from the organising to the cleaning up. including the games and playing the host to usually 10 screaming guests. this time was different. as my kiddo just turned 10, her choice of party was a pool party. held at the local aquatic centre. this year her dad wanted to organiise it so i agreed. big mistake caus his idea of organising it is to ay for it then to leave all the food, games, supervision, drinks, lolly bags and transport up to me. now 10 year olds can swim safely and the place does have life guards but when you got 10 kidss going in all directions, and having to be on top of everyones where a bouts it was real hard to process and stay on top of it all. then theres the parents who hung around just to talk about which high school you were thinking about, and why, and who and where......and just about every other question/queries u co7uld possibly think of.
glad to say the party is done, the kids all went home without drowning and ill never let her dad pretend to organise anything ever again. lol.

its been a hectic few monthss and i feel l8ike im never sitting down and relaxing for long before im on my feet stressing, organsing and planning the next playdate or party. and with my little one showing signs of major hyperactivity or something similar its getting too much for just meyself to deal with. i need to pace myself, write some task/things to do lists and just tackle my way through the things i need to get done.
sorry to bitch but i needed to vent and this is my best outlet to do so.
xoxo lilly


bugerlugs63 said...

Hey Lily . . . I think you did real good to get through that party. I know how stressful these things can be with a straight head . . spesh when they involve other parents . . EeeeK!
I'm dreading starting all that again, now Hamper is at school and making friends she will want parties . . . O well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
It's all hard work isn't it? I aint sat down all week till 8 or 9 pm every day (this is quick coffee break before cooking - again!)
All I ever do is cook, clean, washing, folding, shopping . . . Over and over. Exhilarating eh?
Good on yer for staying clean, I know how much easier it is to deal with all this stress with a little something on board (!)
Take care Lily and stay strong, love to you x x x

Carrion Doll said...

Gotta give it to you. I don't know how I would cope without my husband. Altho on occasion he can make it worse, but there are alot of times he is great. As a single mom I only had one and he was perfect. I have 4 now, but my youngest two are toddlers and sometimes just crazy as hell. Even if they were the only two I had, idk how I would do it. Actually my oldest is great with them and helps alot, sometimes more than their dad.

And I completely get where your coming from. Having to be clean and deal with situation in which you used to help cope. Mine DOC is opiates. But I have social anxiety and feel very awkward around people. With opiates I feel at ease and talkative where I am usually very quiet. Then there is the depression and anxiety and the energy to to get through life as a mom, now back to a full time job. Those are the reasons I started my daily opi abuse in the first place.

I wish you the best in your struggle. And have alot of respect for you as a single mom AND recovering addict. Just one of those by itself can be hard enough but both, your a strong woman.

Gledwood said...

Does "everything" count as a situation to use drugs to get through? I couldn't sleep, couldn't get up (well, get up and feel OK), couldn't eat, couldn't face going anywhere to do anything without using first. And in the case of an appointment, having gear waiting for when I got back. What a life!...