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Friday, August 19, 2011

2010 FROM SAM TO SANE!!!

IN EARLY JANUARY 2010, I WAS SENTENCED TO APPROX 2 AND A HALF YEARS WITH AN 18 MONTH SUSPENDED TERM. IT HAD BEEN 2 YEARS AND 4 MONTHS SINCE THE FIRST TIME I GOT RAIDED AT MY HOUSE.
ID DONE EVERYTHING ON THE JUDGES CHECKLIST TO SHOW I WOULD BE ABLE TO CONTINUE LIVING IN THE COMMUNITY AND SERVE OUT MY SENTENCE. ID ALSO GIVEN BIRTH TO MY 2ND CHILD WHILE AWAITING TRIAL DURING 2009. IN THE END I WAS CHARGED WITH 1 COUNT OF MANAFACTURING A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE AND THEY DOPPED THE 2ND COUNT AND THE COUNT OF 2X POSSESSING UNSECURED FIREARMS.
I STARTED DOING THE MINIMIL COUNSELLING AND THREW MYSELF INTO MY TWO KIDS. I HAD TO SIGN IN AT CORECTIONS ON A WEEKLY BABIS TO BEGIN WITH BUT THAT WAS QUIKLY REDUCED TO EVERY FORTNIGHT AND THEN MONTHLY VISITS WITHIN A 4 MONTH PERIOD.
LIFE WAS ON TRACK FINALLY, KIDS WERE GREAT, AND I WAS OPTIMISTIC.
SHOULDNT HAVE SPOKE SO SOON. SAM WAS RELEASED FROM CUSTODY IN MAY 2010. HE SPENT A FAIR BIT OF TIME FOR APPROXIMATELY 2 MONTHS AT MY PLACE PRETENDING TO WANT ME AND LOVE ME.
HE WAS JUST SUCKING ME IN AGAIN. ALL OF A SUDDEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD CHEATED ON ME, WITH A SKANK I KNOW HAD INFORMED ON US 3 YEARS AGO AND HE THEN DISSAPEARED FOR 3 WEEKS.
I DONT KNOW WHY I COULD NEVER SHAKE THE FEELINGS FOR HIM. IT WAS FUNY IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN A CRAP, STRESSFUL, EEDY RELATIONSHIP BUT I WAS OBSESSED WITH IT. MAYBE CAUS HE WAS THE ONE PULLING AWAY FROM ME NOT THE USUAL ME GETTING BORED AND FUKING BLOKES OFF TILL THEY LEFT ME.
THE NEXT FEW MONTHS OF DIARY ENTRIES REMIND ME OF WHAT I AM NOT MISSING IN MY LIFE. I READ THEM WHEN IM SECOND GUESSING MY FEELING FOR HIM AGAIN.

1 comment:

Random Girl said...

Geez! I know what you mean... I mean why is it I always swoon for the guys who are dicks and who don't really give me what I'm hoping/looking for? (I'm looking for crazy stuff too - like loyalty, honesty..... I ask for a LOT apparently.)
  There's this guy, Gary - who I found out after we'd already slept together and had been hanging out and getting high together for a while that he wasn't actually divorced, but just separated... The way I found this out of course is when his wife and he attempted to reconcile. (A period during which he avoided me completely for like a month) ANYWAY, I thought about him many times the whole time I was in prison (year and a half) but when I got out I decided that it was in my best interest NOT to try to track him down. Well then of course, HE tracked ME down....and ever since then he's popped in and out of my life at various times... (in fact just last night got a call from him after nothing for 2 months)... I know there's nothing to him and that nothing will come of "us" but I'm still not quite willing to cut him out of my life completely yet.......Pretty silly on my part - especially since I know how silly it is. (Anyway sorry for writing such a long novel of a comment here!)
-Random Girl :)
Meth And Me; Diary Of A Tweaker