cons of being clean

i guess leading a clean life style was always going to have its down points.  i used to use and turn over enough money with what i got for others to have extra dollars for incidentals like petrol, smokes, booze, etc. now its just pay day to payday. nothing in between to get me through to the next week if i run out of money. plus i seem to be a lot more bored now and staying busy costs money. keeping my mind off using  again is hard. was life always this boring. my days seemed to just pass by before but now they drag on and on. im still looking for a job but im only applying for jobs i really want not all jobs im suitable for. maybe i should widen my search.
im getting back into my volunteer work but because the group is full of fresh-out-of-jail and community service chicks, theres a bit of drug talk there as well so i keep to myself more and just put my head down and work.
im proud of the fact ive managed to move a bit of gear around and hook others up without using any of it this week. i smashed my glass pipe and did a complete cleanout of all old syringes and wash bags stashed away. its funny how there are none around when u want them but when you trying to avoid the triggers, you seem to find reminders everywhere.
im off to read a few blogs i need to catch up on. nothing on tv tonight so im going to try relax soon and maybe have an early night.
xo lilly

Clan Labs Cranking

It seems almost every second day in my home city, the newspaper's report on another meth lab being raided. Hardly ever are they actually operating at the time caus as i know all too well its a race against the clock to be done and packed away in minimal time. theres always that lurking stench which continues to permeate everything. when my house got condemned by the council i had already moved out and it had to be tested and if toxic levels were present it was gonna cost almost 45000 to have it professionally cleaned (by a glorified carpet cleaning company i found out once i researched the company i was referred to) no doubt in cahoots with the chemical testing company the council reccommended.
A few months after i moved i got to read the full chemical report about exactly what residue was still there, even after a heavy paint out, new carpet and lino throughout and they still got positive results in every room. In the end the council erected a nice poster threatening a 4000 dollar fine if anyone was found in the house and the only thing to do was to demolish the house. luckily the house was on stilts and no chemicals had been found in the earth otherwise they would have wanted to scrape 30cm of topsoil off the whole block.
i went past my old place the other day and finally they have built 2 new courtyard homes on the block once they subdivided it.

this is the photo used by the real estate to sell it back then, a quik lawn mow wouldnt have hurt hey.

back later
XO Lilly

Prison Penpals

A while back, i googled prison pen pals on one of those sleepless nights just to maybe kill the boredom and maybe start a friendship with someone like myself. It was a website which you started first contact by looking at different profiles and choosing who u wanted to make contact with. i didnt know prisoners had access to an internet based messaging service, rather expected it would be a postal thing. either way about a week ago i got a reply by email. i replied as soon as i recieved it and the next morning he had replied again. he is currently sentenced to 2016 for the same charges as i received a suspended sentence of 2 yrs. he has already been in for 7 years. im shocked the same charges in two different countries have such a different sentencing amount. its kind of scary to think if id been arrested in america i could of been sentenced and not released untill the year 2020. my new friend is just another of the many people i now know thru blogging and chatting who i find so similar and like minded as myself. XO Lilly

Heatwave on its way.....yay!

The year before last we had a straight 16 day over 40 degrees heatwave. in the news today......

ADELAIDE'S first official heatwave of summer is forecast to start this weekend, with two days of 39C to start the new year.

Late yesterday the Bureau of Meteorology released its seven-day forecast, with a sweltering maximum of 37C expected on New Year's Eve. It forecast 39C for Sunday and Monday, 36C for Tuesday and 35C for Wednesday.

The bureau defines a heatwave as five consecutive days of 35C temperatures or above or three consecutive days of 40C or above.

Northern areas of the state can expect the mercury to soar to 44C on New Year's Day.

Sam's Return - Attempt no.1

When i woke up today i had a text on my phone from Sam saying he was sorry bout the past and was it ok if he called me. As usual it was just caus he needed my help finding something and selling something. Its really hard to say no and stay away from him but i stuck to my self promise and didnt help him out. also he said he had to ask me something... was i dating a guy called b who was a friend of his caus thats what he had been told. but he couldnt remember if he had actually been told by a person or if he had a dream about it. weird shit in my book, i mean im not but why would it be any of his business anymore.
Just had to vent on this.
So that was attempt number 1 at getting back into my life, i think.
I'll add to this if another attempt is made wich i think is highly likely.
xo Lilly

No More Home Detention

So the guy i been seeing has just been granted parole and is no longer on home detention. I think he's spent the last 6 nights here except 1 night when he went home. when we were seeing each other and he could only come over once or twice a week at least i didn't feel restricted or trapped and i always knew when he was gonna show up. i guess i shouldn't worry too much about it and just enjoy being able to spend more quality time with him with no stress about him being busted out.
i guess it just makes me uncomfortable when i got him here and one of my old fucks shows up at the door unannounced and i have to explain who they are or why they are knocking on my door at 2 in the morning. i don't have much more to say today but ill be back soon.
xo Lilly

When Fucking Becomes Dating

When Fucking Becomes Dating

Sunday morning, just woke up and decided to get a quick post in before the guy i been seeing wakes up. I've posted before about my feelings on sex and dating. things have ben going so well with my internet hookup but being one who really questions relationships its hard to just let go when it usually becomes painful and messy when its over.
since we started fucking we usually been catching up once a week. maybe an extra night if possible. so far this week its been 3 times. cant complain about any of the sex or time we've spent together. he doesn't take meth but also doesn't have a problem with who i am as i was honest from the first conversation we had.
last night he suggested we should go out for tea again so i guess that means its heading towards being more than a sex based relationship. I'm happy about it. i don't seem to be getting my usual trapped feeling which often shows up at this point. wish me luck.
on another topic, the other night on a usual bender i heard lots of really loud banging noises outside my house and went to investigate. stupidly, because as i stepped out my front door i saw a large group of young guys walking down my street causing trouble. one was in the process of running and jumping onto the bonnet of my car, then onto the roof crushing it. in my usual style i yelled out "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!"
3 of the group of 7 men looked at me and it looked like they were about to run off when suddenly they rushed at me and i ran to my front door and with my brother and his mate's help i was about 2 cms from being got. they then fly kicked my screen door smashing it in and ran off.
i wont say what country these men were from as I'm not a racist person and i 100% believe in immigration and giving asylum to anyone who needs it without locking them in detention for being here illegally, but this particular group are one of many recently accepted in mass amounts to escape unimaginable horrors in their own country. they need to understand that most of my country support refugees and the small amount who are racist doesn't make it right for them to cause trouble because it reflects badly on the refugees who genuinely want to be here and are doing the right thing to fit in with aussies. in the worst of similar incidents with these people since they came here. it has resulted in the victims being raped and shanked just for protecting what is theirs. they knew ii was a young female and i was just telling them to not jump on my car and vandalise my property but were still prepared to assault me. all up about 10 cars on two streets had crushed roofs and dents the next morning, made in a couple minutes by drunk idiots.
its almost lunchtime and i need to get on so I'm going to end now.
xo Lilly

sex and death (relationship status update)

Just another update on my relationship status. I'm still seeing the guy i met on through that dating site. (re. http://mymethdiaries.blogspot.com/2011/09/sex-and-death.html) so its been a over a month now and his parole sitting date was 2 days ago so he should be off home detention soon. Waiting on the parole board is exactly that, waiting. he still has parole reporting for 3 years but that's not a big thing. at least he will be free to leave his home whenever he wants instead of getting permission to do so. after our last hookup night i decided to send him a text about what he wants from me. good thing is we want the same thing really, for it to continue as it is and I'm happy about both of us being content with how it is. i don't want to see anyone else but i don't want the 'locked in' feeling exclusivity gives. and in the past that's when I’ve freaked out and run away from the relationships I've been in.

I'm starting read more blogs on here now and its intrigued me the way people will comment on a persons spelling and grammar in their posts. i would have thought if we were all perfectly spoken and correct it wouldn't be the true person speaking their own words. I'm a shocking example of illiterate typing and if it honestly bothers anyone don't read my blog.

Lastly anonymous comments are exactly that, from people with no name, face or guts. man up and admit your gutless.

xoxo Lilly

rash things u do when peakingT

ME TODAY..... 2 nights awake but suprisingly im on the ball. xoxo lilly

TWEAKED AND LOVING IT

Its 5.50am on Wednesday morning. I'm on a bit of a bender so I'm on night 2 awake with approx. an hour of stoned sleep on Monday night and none last night. Its finally started raining decent meth again which makes life easier and very busy. i think I've already put about 950 into my dealers pocket since lunchtime Monday. pretty good effort for 36 hour timeframe. not for myself only but decent stuff means a lot more deals done which makes my usage almost free. so yay while it lasts. summer is approaching and with the weather already hitting over 30 degrees Celsius, i feel great. by the way i took the photo above about 20 minutes ago. this is the me at 29 and a half yrs. old. bit rattled/tweaked looking right now but that comes with the addict title. i have to leave in bout 15 minutes to go pick up more stuff so i might try to finish this post after i medicate. xoxo Lilly PS the infamous SAM is once again trying to worm back into my thoughts but the strength i never had before is now stronger than ever and i havent let myself down and spent anytime even contemplating it. bbs.

sentencing remarks online

so ever since i was arrested, charged and sentenced for manufacturing a controlled drug (meth) back in 2007 then sentenced in 2009, i guess ive been obsessed with checking the court website in south australia which posts every district court matters sentencing reports daily. currently of the 104 sentencing remarks for my whole state posted, i personally know 12 of the people sentenced in the last month for a range of things from aggravated robberies to drug offences to firearms offences. a lot of these people have been locked up on refused bail status for at least a year and its been about a year since i stepped out of the spotlight and decided to go straighter in my life, and keeping out of the spotlight. also when i look at the court cause list which shows who is due in court and for what its suprising that the law has finally caught up with most of us. most of my old accquantinces are now facing fresh charges so guess i got out at the right time. thats all i gotta say for now. im just gonna sit and contemplate my own future for a little while. xo lilly