no moral junks

The thing I haven’t missed about the scene is the two faced no moral junks that have no sense of right and wrong. Their closest friend is the one with the gear or getting the gear and each day revolves around scheming for the next hit or opportunity to do a switch with a water wack or even straight out pick pocketing ur speed bag or tub of neat. To add to an already fucked up situation is the hours after it goes missing that they help u look for it. They show such impressive concern and help search high and low in all the places it isn’t and never was. using this chance to mentally note where other belongings they have their eye on for the next slight of hand thievery.
Anything gold in color, with a dosage label or of cosmetic appearance is up for grabs. Not even your tweezers or razor refills are safe from scanning, calculating eyes.
The mental tally ticking over in their mind as to how much they can scam out of u this time....
Sorry to say but in 50 steps ahead this time
Xo Lilly

VENTING SESSION (and updated usage tally)

this post is another 'venting session'. so all my followers and other readers will maybe remember when i met that guy on the dating site. re. sex and death posts. so that was back in august which is approx 6 and a bit months ago and i gues you can say its going strong still but i need to add my 'erks' that make the relationship an irritable one. when i met him he was on home detention and could only sneak out once or twice a week so it was one of 
un-overbearing not constant flings. he had been locked up a couple years ago and had now been released to finish his sentence on home d...no electronic monitoring device till his parole started. he assured me he had learnt his lesson and was heroin/oxy/methadone free and didnt want to start it again. ut the oxy habit started in late november last year and has continued up until about a week or so ago when the dealers dad, ho had cancer, died and the oxy ran out.now as u all know im a meth adict going on 15 years now, ive never been interested in downers and for good reason. at least when the meth runs out its psycological and i can just sleep off the comedown, with 
such an addictive personality i knew opiates were not for me. i didnt need a physical/mental/full body ache addiction to add to my life. the guys mum kicked him out about 4 weeks ago and on the day being stupidly offtap on the meth and in a good mood i said just stay here. afterall he works most days so i still get my solo time which i cant live without. ive always hated being trapped and at least this way i have either days or night, whichever hedoes that week, to myself. but guess what???? im trapped once again!!!!i have learnt from all my previous relationships that guys always expect to be in control not an equal and i was adament from day dot when we met i wasnt a pushover and if i ended it, it was done. i told him to never talk down to me, never lie to me and if he couldnt cope with my addiction then fuck off now. i dont need any extra hassle in life. i ave my kids, my family and my shit which will always come first. i would never be under the thumb of any abusive guy ever again.the relationship is a good one, in 6 months ive only raised my voice to him twice now. two arguements in 6 months is a pretty good statistic. considering every other relationship has been a daily battle to not fight. and this is the first none-abusive commited relationship ive ever had.
so you want to know why we did hight on tose two occasions. well lets see..... i put one occasion down to oxy withdrawel and the other down to him getting tick of a mate of mine then getting a shit pay when i said to him it had to be paid straight away caus i dont fuck people over with money when i say itll be paid its paid. does it look like this is a familiar pattern for me, can anyone help me decide how i handle these issues....maybe im just a cunt and im being selfish....maybe im just better off single with kids than de-facto with two kids from previous relationships. either way im stuck.....again. maybe.
                                                                                                           
xo lilly                                                                                                 
                                                                                                        
ps. usage tally updated as follows.                                                                  
                                                                                                            
thursday 1st march - 50 deal/1point plus 1 point for lending car out for 1 hour to a dealer of mine.                                                                                
                                                                                                          
friday 2nd march - 50 deal/1point plus about a half point pipe for free.            
                                                                                                          
saturday 3rd march(today) - no $$$ cost so far but ive still manged about a pipe for nothing and a point wack for free. (value approx $125.00)                  
                                                                                                         
take care all xo lilly                                                                             
                                                                                                         

Heatwave on its way.....yay!

The year before last we had a straight 16 day over 40 degrees heatwave. in the news today......

ADELAIDE'S first official heatwave of summer is forecast to start this weekend, with two days of 39C to start the new year.

Late yesterday the Bureau of Meteorology released its seven-day forecast, with a sweltering maximum of 37C expected on New Year's Eve. It forecast 39C for Sunday and Monday, 36C for Tuesday and 35C for Wednesday.

The bureau defines a heatwave as five consecutive days of 35C temperatures or above or three consecutive days of 40C or above.

Northern areas of the state can expect the mercury to soar to 44C on New Year's Day.

What is Love?

Ok so this is my last post before Christmas which is only 3 hours away here in Australia, and i have a question for everyone. HOW FAR INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP IS IT NORMAL TO SAY THE LOVE WORD? I look forward to hearing back from you all. Merry Christmas everyone. XO Lilly. And a few quotes to leave you all with. "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Dr. Seuss "The one who loves least controls the relationship." Author Unknown "Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?" Author Unknown

update

sorry bout big gap between posts. been sick and had kids also sick and the normal end of year school stuff to deal with.
the guy I been seeing has gone away for a week so I'm kind of having some ME time. hotter weather is starting so I seem to drink more beer and other mixed drinks but I think I better slow down on them. cant wait till Christmas is over and done with and the next year rolls around. its 1.14am and I'm spending another boring night with the TV channels rotating between crap and more crap. ill be back to normal (if you can call it normal) very soon.
xo Lilly

No More Home Detention

So the guy i been seeing has just been granted parole and is no longer on home detention. I think he's spent the last 6 nights here except 1 night when he went home. when we were seeing each other and he could only come over once or twice a week at least i didn't feel restricted or trapped and i always knew when he was gonna show up. i guess i shouldn't worry too much about it and just enjoy being able to spend more quality time with him with no stress about him being busted out.
i guess it just makes me uncomfortable when i got him here and one of my old fucks shows up at the door unannounced and i have to explain who they are or why they are knocking on my door at 2 in the morning. i don't have much more to say today but ill be back soon.
xo Lilly

When Fucking Becomes Dating

When Fucking Becomes Dating

Sunday morning, just woke up and decided to get a quick post in before the guy i been seeing wakes up. I've posted before about my feelings on sex and dating. things have ben going so well with my internet hookup but being one who really questions relationships its hard to just let go when it usually becomes painful and messy when its over.
since we started fucking we usually been catching up once a week. maybe an extra night if possible. so far this week its been 3 times. cant complain about any of the sex or time we've spent together. he doesn't take meth but also doesn't have a problem with who i am as i was honest from the first conversation we had.
last night he suggested we should go out for tea again so i guess that means its heading towards being more than a sex based relationship. I'm happy about it. i don't seem to be getting my usual trapped feeling which often shows up at this point. wish me luck.
on another topic, the other night on a usual bender i heard lots of really loud banging noises outside my house and went to investigate. stupidly, because as i stepped out my front door i saw a large group of young guys walking down my street causing trouble. one was in the process of running and jumping onto the bonnet of my car, then onto the roof crushing it. in my usual style i yelled out "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!"
3 of the group of 7 men looked at me and it looked like they were about to run off when suddenly they rushed at me and i ran to my front door and with my brother and his mate's help i was about 2 cms from being got. they then fly kicked my screen door smashing it in and ran off.
i wont say what country these men were from as I'm not a racist person and i 100% believe in immigration and giving asylum to anyone who needs it without locking them in detention for being here illegally, but this particular group are one of many recently accepted in mass amounts to escape unimaginable horrors in their own country. they need to understand that most of my country support refugees and the small amount who are racist doesn't make it right for them to cause trouble because it reflects badly on the refugees who genuinely want to be here and are doing the right thing to fit in with aussies. in the worst of similar incidents with these people since they came here. it has resulted in the victims being raped and shanked just for protecting what is theirs. they knew ii was a young female and i was just telling them to not jump on my car and vandalise my property but were still prepared to assault me. all up about 10 cars on two streets had crushed roofs and dents the next morning, made in a couple minutes by drunk idiots.
its almost lunchtime and i need to get on so I'm going to end now.
xo Lilly

sex and death (relationship status update)

Just another update on my relationship status. I'm still seeing the guy i met on through that dating site. (re. http://mymethdiaries.blogspot.com/2011/09/sex-and-death.html) so its been a over a month now and his parole sitting date was 2 days ago so he should be off home detention soon. Waiting on the parole board is exactly that, waiting. he still has parole reporting for 3 years but that's not a big thing. at least he will be free to leave his home whenever he wants instead of getting permission to do so. after our last hookup night i decided to send him a text about what he wants from me. good thing is we want the same thing really, for it to continue as it is and I'm happy about both of us being content with how it is. i don't want to see anyone else but i don't want the 'locked in' feeling exclusivity gives. and in the past that's when I’ve freaked out and run away from the relationships I've been in.

I'm starting read more blogs on here now and its intrigued me the way people will comment on a persons spelling and grammar in their posts. i would have thought if we were all perfectly spoken and correct it wouldn't be the true person speaking their own words. I'm a shocking example of illiterate typing and if it honestly bothers anyone don't read my blog.

Lastly anonymous comments are exactly that, from people with no name, face or guts. man up and admit your gutless.

xoxo Lilly

TWEAKED AND LOVING IT

Its 5.50am on Wednesday morning. I'm on a bit of a bender so I'm on night 2 awake with approx. an hour of stoned sleep on Monday night and none last night. Its finally started raining decent meth again which makes life easier and very busy. i think I've already put about 950 into my dealers pocket since lunchtime Monday. pretty good effort for 36 hour timeframe. not for myself only but decent stuff means a lot more deals done which makes my usage almost free. so yay while it lasts. summer is approaching and with the weather already hitting over 30 degrees Celsius, i feel great. by the way i took the photo above about 20 minutes ago. this is the me at 29 and a half yrs. old. bit rattled/tweaked looking right now but that comes with the addict title. i have to leave in bout 15 minutes to go pick up more stuff so i might try to finish this post after i medicate. xoxo Lilly PS the infamous SAM is once again trying to worm back into my thoughts but the strength i never had before is now stronger than ever and i havent let myself down and spent anytime even contemplating it. bbs.

sentencing remarks online

so ever since i was arrested, charged and sentenced for manufacturing a controlled drug (meth) back in 2007 then sentenced in 2009, i guess ive been obsessed with checking the court website in south australia which posts every district court matters sentencing reports daily. currently of the 104 sentencing remarks for my whole state posted, i personally know 12 of the people sentenced in the last month for a range of things from aggravated robberies to drug offences to firearms offences. a lot of these people have been locked up on refused bail status for at least a year and its been about a year since i stepped out of the spotlight and decided to go straighter in my life, and keeping out of the spotlight. also when i look at the court cause list which shows who is due in court and for what its suprising that the law has finally caught up with most of us. most of my old accquantinces are now facing fresh charges so guess i got out at the right time. thats all i gotta say for now. im just gonna sit and contemplate my own future for a little while. xo lilly

waiting, waiting and still waiting!

ok so right now I'm waiting to get on. usual Friday consisting of playgroup in morning and normal school run after very little rest and sleep last night. now I'm waiting for a few mates to get off work so we can go get something to tide us over till later tonight....hopefully. I've had my phone on silent/no vibrate even for a few days. I've just gone through another of my LEAVE ME ALONE fazes. pity is there are a few people i want to speak to so i need to keep checking my phone for text and missed calls. i just cant handle the vibrating under my pillow in-between calls. its one of those shity days. started out at 22 degrees Celsius this morning and now its pouring with rain. love driving in the rain and opening the whole house up to smell the rain outside. i need a pipe or a shot, I'm starting to fade out and I'm a bit drunk from a couple glasses of wine i had. its only 12.16 lunch time Friday. xoxo Lilly PS ill be back once I'm slightly tweaked. ( tweaked is a new word for me as in Australia we call it rattled, geared, tuned, getting on,buzzing)

to all my loyal readers

my bloke paid me a surprise visit last night and gave me exactly what i needed. after all the drugs i had on the weekend i still was settled enough to sleep for a few hours. its 957 am on Sunday where i live. another weekend gone and another school week looming. I'm getting used to this boyfriend thing. even though we have not stated it is an exclusive relationship I'm treating it as one. I'm happier than I've been in a long time and i don't feel trapped like i usually do when i commit to something. my blog is beginning to get more traffic. my stat list shows viewing in about 10 countries now. UK, US, Australia, Hong Kong, Germany, Russia, Dominican republic, China, Israel, and Pakistan id greatly appreciate if my readers would leave comments and become members of my blog if possible. just so i know who you are and what you want to read about on here. my life is so filled with drama and weird situations each day that its so hard to know what your wanting to read about. There's so much to talk about.... there's the deals, the deals gone wrong, my love life, my sex life, my family life, my mixed up weird on drug/off drug/coming down emotions, my drug usage and the off tap ranting's in between. thank you for reading as usual. i may have more to add later on today, but ill wait till my guy leaves as i don't yet let him read my blog. i treat it as a diary so its weird to have someone reading about themselves incase they get offended or weirded out xoxo Lilly

catching up

just catching u all up on my life. i been sleeping in late last few days. thats the outcome of the comedown from the meth. my usage this week has been lower i think... monday i used bout 3 points, tuesday i used about 3 points, on wednesday i had a point and then today (friday) ive had almost 3 in last couple hours but will probably smoke more shortly wen kid goes to sleep ad my mate comes over. im currently downloading my tv for the week so i got something to do later tonight. im all bingo'd out for the day. things going good with the guy im seeing. ass i said i deactivated my online dating profile and i think it was the right descision. hes good with my kids and they like him.thats a change. ive told my daughters dad im seeing someone and he seems quite ok with it....i think. i dont really need to tell the babys dad since he lives a state away and will just start the poor-me texts and shit again. anyway signing off, i got a few other blogs to read and such. xo lilly

When friends meet ur new guyfriend/fuck!

So its been approximately 3 weeks since i met my new bloke??/fuckfriend??. ...(sex and death guy from post 28/9). Not sure what we are yet but i did deactivate my online dating profile today so i guess I'm keen for more. Today the opportunity for one of my best friends to met him happened so they met. They got along really well so it didn't end up being so bad. Plus he finally met my 9 year old today and in true year old form, she decided to start the ball breaking requests from him straight away. i was quite impressed with how he interacted with her know it all attitude. My past relationships have always been with older men. at 18yrs i met the 41yr old father of my daughter, then at 21 i was with a 36 yr old for a year and a bit and at 23 i met my co accused ex SAM, whom you all know from his jail letters and my diary entries 2006 to very recent. The new guy is 30 yrs. old. About a year older than me, and in the past i said easily that i had nothing in common with guys my own age, but i have drastically changed my view. I think i used to believe an older guy would be faithful caus i was younger and being so much younger, was probably the youngest fuk he would ever get in life. boy was i wrong bout that. one of my ex is still now chasing 20yr olds at 50+ yrs now. And i guess meth cooks are attractive in their old age caus he is still pulling them in. I've become quite emotionally attached from my partners to protect myself so its scary to be feeling quite smitten with this new one...if that's what he becomes. Anyway, i think I'm rambling on and a bit rattled so ill leave it at that. its after midnight and about time i turn the lights down so the neighbours don't know I'm up all-night again and rest my brain for a couple hours. goodnight all xoxo Lilly xoxo