VENTING SESSION (and updated usage tally)

this post is another 'venting session'. so all my followers and other readers will maybe remember when i met that guy on the dating site. re. sex and death posts. so that was back in august which is approx 6 and a bit months ago and i gues you can say its going strong still but i need to add my 'erks' that make the relationship an irritable one. when i met him he was on home detention and could only sneak out once or twice a week so it was one of 
un-overbearing not constant flings. he had been locked up a couple years ago and had now been released to finish his sentence on home d...no electronic monitoring device till his parole started. he assured me he had learnt his lesson and was heroin/oxy/methadone free and didnt want to start it again. ut the oxy habit started in late november last year and has continued up until about a week or so ago when the dealers dad, ho had cancer, died and the oxy ran out.now as u all know im a meth adict going on 15 years now, ive never been interested in downers and for good reason. at least when the meth runs out its psycological and i can just sleep off the comedown, with 
such an addictive personality i knew opiates were not for me. i didnt need a physical/mental/full body ache addiction to add to my life. the guys mum kicked him out about 4 weeks ago and on the day being stupidly offtap on the meth and in a good mood i said just stay here. afterall he works most days so i still get my solo time which i cant live without. ive always hated being trapped and at least this way i have either days or night, whichever hedoes that week, to myself. but guess what???? im trapped once again!!!!i have learnt from all my previous relationships that guys always expect to be in control not an equal and i was adament from day dot when we met i wasnt a pushover and if i ended it, it was done. i told him to never talk down to me, never lie to me and if he couldnt cope with my addiction then fuck off now. i dont need any extra hassle in life. i ave my kids, my family and my shit which will always come first. i would never be under the thumb of any abusive guy ever again.the relationship is a good one, in 6 months ive only raised my voice to him twice now. two arguements in 6 months is a pretty good statistic. considering every other relationship has been a daily battle to not fight. and this is the first none-abusive commited relationship ive ever had.
so you want to know why we did hight on tose two occasions. well lets see..... i put one occasion down to oxy withdrawel and the other down to him getting tick of a mate of mine then getting a shit pay when i said to him it had to be paid straight away caus i dont fuck people over with money when i say itll be paid its paid. does it look like this is a familiar pattern for me, can anyone help me decide how i handle these issues....maybe im just a cunt and im being selfish....maybe im just better off single with kids than de-facto with two kids from previous relationships. either way im stuck.....again. maybe.
                                                                                                           
xo lilly                                                                                                 
                                                                                                        
ps. usage tally updated as follows.                                                                  
                                                                                                            
thursday 1st march - 50 deal/1point plus 1 point for lending car out for 1 hour to a dealer of mine.                                                                                
                                                                                                          
friday 2nd march - 50 deal/1point plus about a half point pipe for free.            
                                                                                                          
saturday 3rd march(today) - no $$$ cost so far but ive still manged about a pipe for nothing and a point wack for free. (value approx $125.00)                  
                                                                                                         
take care all xo lilly                                                                             
                                                                                                         

Im back

Just a quick post to explain my absence. I had to go to Melbourne to take my kid to see his dad for a week but I'm finally back and impatient to catch up on all the blog's i follow. What a week completely straight. 8 days with nothing but a bit of beer to take the edge off.I need to get some sleep for now but Ive missed you all.
XO Lilly

Heatwave on its way.....yay!

The year before last we had a straight 16 day over 40 degrees heatwave. in the news today......

ADELAIDE'S first official heatwave of summer is forecast to start this weekend, with two days of 39C to start the new year.

Late yesterday the Bureau of Meteorology released its seven-day forecast, with a sweltering maximum of 37C expected on New Year's Eve. It forecast 39C for Sunday and Monday, 36C for Tuesday and 35C for Wednesday.

The bureau defines a heatwave as five consecutive days of 35C temperatures or above or three consecutive days of 40C or above.

Northern areas of the state can expect the mercury to soar to 44C on New Year's Day.

TWEAKED AND LOVING IT

Its 5.50am on Wednesday morning. I'm on a bit of a bender so I'm on night 2 awake with approx. an hour of stoned sleep on Monday night and none last night. Its finally started raining decent meth again which makes life easier and very busy. i think I've already put about 950 into my dealers pocket since lunchtime Monday. pretty good effort for 36 hour timeframe. not for myself only but decent stuff means a lot more deals done which makes my usage almost free. so yay while it lasts. summer is approaching and with the weather already hitting over 30 degrees Celsius, i feel great. by the way i took the photo above about 20 minutes ago. this is the me at 29 and a half yrs. old. bit rattled/tweaked looking right now but that comes with the addict title. i have to leave in bout 15 minutes to go pick up more stuff so i might try to finish this post after i medicate. xoxo Lilly PS the infamous SAM is once again trying to worm back into my thoughts but the strength i never had before is now stronger than ever and i havent let myself down and spent anytime even contemplating it. bbs.

sentencing remarks online

so ever since i was arrested, charged and sentenced for manufacturing a controlled drug (meth) back in 2007 then sentenced in 2009, i guess ive been obsessed with checking the court website in south australia which posts every district court matters sentencing reports daily. currently of the 104 sentencing remarks for my whole state posted, i personally know 12 of the people sentenced in the last month for a range of things from aggravated robberies to drug offences to firearms offences. a lot of these people have been locked up on refused bail status for at least a year and its been about a year since i stepped out of the spotlight and decided to go straighter in my life, and keeping out of the spotlight. also when i look at the court cause list which shows who is due in court and for what its suprising that the law has finally caught up with most of us. most of my old accquantinces are now facing fresh charges so guess i got out at the right time. thats all i gotta say for now. im just gonna sit and contemplate my own future for a little while. xo lilly

another night becomes morning

so its 7.40am. been up rattling all night and now just plain bored and waiting for local supermarket to open so i can go buy smokes. my brother was here till about an hour and half ago then had to leave for to go to work on no sleep. lucky its saturday and he only has to work a couple hours before lunch. ive now caught up on all my tv, played too much solitare and have tuned into the morning kids shows as my 2 yr old has just woken up. tv doesnt seem very educatiinal anymore. all cartoon characters seem to communicate in beeps and odd sounds that definately dont qualify as english. even sesame street has changed. well its time to start another day, maybe get to catch a mid afternoon nap with my little one or not if i end up getting on again. which is highly likely. im off now to be normal everyday lilly. bye all. xo lilly

When friends meet ur new guyfriend/fuck!

So its been approximately 3 weeks since i met my new bloke??/fuckfriend??. ...(sex and death guy from post 28/9). Not sure what we are yet but i did deactivate my online dating profile today so i guess I'm keen for more. Today the opportunity for one of my best friends to met him happened so they met. They got along really well so it didn't end up being so bad. Plus he finally met my 9 year old today and in true year old form, she decided to start the ball breaking requests from him straight away. i was quite impressed with how he interacted with her know it all attitude. My past relationships have always been with older men. at 18yrs i met the 41yr old father of my daughter, then at 21 i was with a 36 yr old for a year and a bit and at 23 i met my co accused ex SAM, whom you all know from his jail letters and my diary entries 2006 to very recent. The new guy is 30 yrs. old. About a year older than me, and in the past i said easily that i had nothing in common with guys my own age, but i have drastically changed my view. I think i used to believe an older guy would be faithful caus i was younger and being so much younger, was probably the youngest fuk he would ever get in life. boy was i wrong bout that. one of my ex is still now chasing 20yr olds at 50+ yrs now. And i guess meth cooks are attractive in their old age caus he is still pulling them in. I've become quite emotionally attached from my partners to protect myself so its scary to be feeling quite smitten with this new one...if that's what he becomes. Anyway, i think I'm rambling on and a bit rattled so ill leave it at that. its after midnight and about time i turn the lights down so the neighbours don't know I'm up all-night again and rest my brain for a couple hours. goodnight all xoxo Lilly xoxo

waiting for my trial 2008

2008 was a pretty hectic time. ill publish some of the bullshit letters i got from jail over the next year or so in my next post. it was all JAIL TALK. ALL BULLSHIT. if only i hadnt believed and relied on many things said from his cell.. it would of made the present easier to deal with i guess. ill shut up. the present comes after a bit more of my backround info.